Liyana Azizul

Hello there, let me tell you a secret tonight. I actually have this 'entrepreneur' skill in me which I have no idea where it came from. Anyhow, my entrepreneur-ness is abit terburu-buru. I was rushing about making sort of a one-off business/plan and now I'm short of money. The worst feeling about having short of cash when you're overseas is, my parents are far away. I can't go home and get free food.  maaaan, this is hard. On top of that, I just received an email from the person that bought my harness which I sold last week. The girl said I advertised the size wrongly .----. (can things get worse now?omg I need your money to live) but then, after asking around and getting advice from my mom and my amazing friends, it's best for me to return the money back.  Well, returning the money, problem one solved! now, problem two reappear, I don't have much money to survive! I have no idea but why do I always have to learn everything the hard way... Astaghfirulla...

Finals are coming up in two weeks! Isn't funny how I tend to make a post when finals are coming up? (I think the anxiety makes me want to write lol). The feeling is the same all over again . Anyhow, for the last 2 days I felt pretty restless. I wanted to wake up late and just stare at the walls. At some point it made me wonder, wow I'm in NZ! I just felt like I was making fun of myself going away far from home. But here I am , I made it!  Truthfully, I'm proud of myself for making it this far. Alhamdulillah . Deeply, I know, without Him I wouldn't be here. I would've given up a long time ago. Instead, He helped me through.  I realised one thing. Ever since I was bashed as a 'hypocrite', I stopped talking about religious things. I stopped blogging (the secret is out why I stopped writing for awhile phew). I stopped giving people advice much about how to put your trust in Allah. I felt like I'm not that pious or sort of 'clean' they say. But...

I have a super power of forgetting. I tend to forget the things that hurt me within a short period of time. I don't know it's an advantage or what but though I forget,  I don't forget how it made me feel. I would forget the person and some kind of what the person actually did because it's a form of me 'letting go'. However, I just realised I'm building up a wall of fear. Fear of trusting and being vulnerable.  I share my stories but I don't share my time. I learn to value myself more. I learn to appreciate myself more because I know, at the end of the day, all I have is Allah and myself.  I can smile all day just to hide the story behind every second.  I remember how it made me feel.  Letting go is hard but this one person taught me how. It was kinda easy but there's a twist in the story . This is where I miss home. I miss Mak Abah. I miss the individuals that would tell myself that things are fine. You're just overreacting. At one p...