Trust and home.

I have a super power of forgetting. I tend to forget the things that hurt me within a short period of time. I don't know it's an advantage or what but though I forget,  I don't forget how it made me feel.

I would forget the person and some kind of what the person actually did because it's a form of me 'letting go'.

However, I just realised I'm building up a wall of fear. Fear of trusting and being vulnerable. 

I share my stories but I don't share my time. I learn to value myself more. I learn to appreciate myself more because I know, at the end of the day, all I have is Allah and myself. 

I can smile all day just to hide the story behind every second. 

I remember how it made me feel. 

Letting go is hard but this one person taught me how. It was kinda easy but there's a twist in the story .

This is where I miss home. I miss Mak Abah. I miss the individuals that would tell myself that things are fine. You're just overreacting. At one point, I just felt like nothing matters other than family. Period. But then, until when I want to keep things to myself. So I tried to open a few spaces for others in my life. I have amazing people around me. I do. I'm thankful for their presence. But still, I have that hole and piece in me that still hold on to that fear. 

Somehow, that fear made me gave up the things the involves others. I focus more on myself, being more reserved perhaps. Then, I started travelling. Travelling is something that I embrace because I could see things that I've never seen before with my bare eyes (it involves money though *sad face*). I learnt to let myself be free. But still, the farther I go, the more I miss home . Is this sort of indecisive kinda thing? hm, I'm not sure.  

Regards,

Liyana Azizul