Restart

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It's funny how I know I'm much stronger than I am now but my mind and body are too tired to accommodate to what I'm going through.

I know the easiest to say is "let it go" "life goes on" and yet its suffocating me how I'm going through this alone. Yes, I have people around me but it's not it.

I'm searching for hope and signs that I'm worth it but it seemed to hard to convince myself that I am.

This could be a millennial thing going on but it hurts. really bad.

Have you ever got hurt so bad that you start feeling numb? Yep, that's exactly what I'm feeling now. It hurts so bad that I've lost that strong part of me.

Maybe this is just a phase or maybe this is where I start to see another path for me. I don't know. So many questions, yet so many 'ifs'.

Everyday I tell myself, this will get easy. it does on somedays. While somedays I just feel like hiding in a rabbit hole and too afraid to come out.

Where did my energy go? Where did my strength disappear?

I don't know. I can't fight these feelings. I have to go through it to get the answers. The more I push them away, the more the will eat my soul slowly.

Some people think I don't push myself enough. Some people say I don't try hard as I should.

But deep down, I know how much I've tried. but as I say, I think my body and mind needs a break from this overwhelming phase.

I've lost my energy to branch out my social network. I shut people down. I just stopped. I stopped connecting.sometimes I blame myself for always being really careful before I hurt someone but I forgot to protect myself.

But I'm glad to say this, next week is my restart button. I'll start all over, I promise.

Comments

  1. nhmizah8 March 2019 at 03:25

    Hi Yana,

    I might not know what you've gone through/ faced, but i pray that the world will treat you well but if it's still not, you yourself will stay to be a super strong lady :)

    May you have a beautiful 'new' life, my dear Yana ❤️

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Unknown10 March 2019 at 00:14

      Hi Mizah, nawhhh didn't expect this. Thank you Mizah <3 insyaAllah

      Delete

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