Liyana Azizul

It's funny how I know I'm much stronger than I am now but my mind and body are too tired to accommodate to what I'm going through. I know the easiest to say is "let it go" "life goes on" and yet its suffocating me how I'm going through this alone. Yes, I have people around me but it's not it. I'm searching for hope and signs that I'm worth it but it seemed to hard to convince myself that I am. This could be a millennial thing going on but it hurts. really bad. Have you ever got hurt so bad that you start feeling numb? Yep, that's exactly what I'm feeling now. It hurts so bad that I've lost that strong part of me. Maybe this is just a phase or maybe this is where I start to see another path for me. I don't know. So many questions, yet so many 'ifs'. Everyday I tell myself, this will get easy. it does on somedays. While somedays I just feel like hiding in a rabbit hole and too afraid to come out. Where ...

For the past one year, I've been living in a hostile condition. Well, it's not like a camp nor like a hostel. My flat looks normal as it can get from the outside but goodness sake, it's not what it is. When I first searched for a flat about a year ago, I looked out for the nicest humans to live with. A place where I could feel at home, not less of myself nor my religion and just live in a place where I feel safe to come home to. Being a lone ranger muslim hijabi in a foreign country is not easy. Sometimes I realise that I make it look very easy in social medias but its not. I've struggled through phases trying to make myself comfortable. It's a blessing when I get to meet a person who treats me just like a normal human being. I've been through some racisms in NZ but thank god mostly are from strangers where I don't have ties w them. That's why searching for a flat with random strangers was a challenge. I wanted to search for the 'connection...

Hi guyssss As promised, here's a write up on my financial insights as per my poll a few days ago. Frankly, I was quite surprised by how many people actually participated in that poll! weee (I just had to do it because I couldn't decide and had no inspiration on what to write). Okay let's get started. Growing up, my parents taught me that if I want something/to go somewhere, I need to work my butt off to earn it. in highschool, I ceased all the opportunity to travel by being in the band and sign up for exchange programs (it was worth it!). Gosh I miss those days (to whoever budak band yg tengah baca, serious rindu those crazy days dengan korang!!!! ) . Surprisingly, I actually went to a few countries by being a performer hewhew . Hong Kong was definitely the highlight my band life! OK that's PART of my big point . going back to my younger days - when I was 12, I actually made big plans with my dad and I told my late grandfather about it. I told them that by the...

Distance has taught me so much of what love means. I can't lie that when you first start being on a long distance relationship after years being next to each other, there were doubts like ALOT of them. Especially when some people around you are justifying how it's so hard to work out From experience, NONE of my LDR worked out because no one was on the same page. That contributed to having doubts that it aint going to be any different this time.  But I fought through all these and last weekend, I've come to a point that I actually get it. I get how much this relationship is going to be different. First of all, both me and my man love each other so much that we can't explain how ridiculous it can be. It's weird how much you can care for someone so much despite the distance. For example, for the past at least 1 month and a half, I'd wake up in the middle of the night 3-4am just to check if he is home safe. I know how tired he is - the life of an auditor. Going h...