Jika yang mati itu aku

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Sedikit coretan dari Hilal Isyraf ,Fanzuru .




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You.

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All packed. I'm ready to move out to a new place tomorrow. 12 months of living in this house taught me so much about a lot of things. But now I just feel writing about one thing. You. It's been more than a year being away from you. It's been up and down going through days without you around. I still remember 4 years ago when I gave up with love , I taught myself that I don't need any guy by my side. Then, I met you. For months I didn't allow you to come through my safe zone. I kept that barrier between us because I had enough of fake love. Fast forward 4 years now, I can't believe how much light you added to my dark world. Tomorrow I'm moving to a new place to find my peace and happiness within me. Living in this flat taught me so much of self-love because without you around, there is no one else to love me like you do. You made a better girl/ The girl who chased her dreams and got them in her hands. I missed you so much. I miss talking to you in per...
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Sorry

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Distance has taught me so much of what love means. I can't lie that when you first start being on a long distance relationship after years being next to each other, there were doubts like ALOT of them. Especially when some people around you are justifying how it's so hard to work out From experience, NONE of my LDR worked out because no one was on the same page. That contributed to having doubts that it aint going to be any different this time.  But I fought through all these and last weekend, I've come to a point that I actually get it. I get how much this relationship is going to be different. First of all, both me and my man love each other so much that we can't explain how ridiculous it can be. It's weird how much you can care for someone so much despite the distance. For example, for the past at least 1 month and a half, I'd wake up in the middle of the night 3-4am just to check if he is home safe. I know how tired he is - the life of an auditor. Going h...
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Restart

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It's funny how I know I'm much stronger than I am now but my mind and body are too tired to accommodate to what I'm going through. I know the easiest to say is "let it go" "life goes on" and yet its suffocating me how I'm going through this alone. Yes, I have people around me but it's not it. I'm searching for hope and signs that I'm worth it but it seemed to hard to convince myself that I am. This could be a millennial thing going on but it hurts. really bad. Have you ever got hurt so bad that you start feeling numb? Yep, that's exactly what I'm feeling now. It hurts so bad that I've lost that strong part of me. Maybe this is just a phase or maybe this is where I start to see another path for me. I don't know. So many questions, yet so many 'ifs'. Everyday I tell myself, this will get easy. it does on somedays. While somedays I just feel like hiding in a rabbit hole and too afraid to come out. Where ...
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